13 Jun God Was Not Surprised

Dear Westwood Family,

This past Sunday, I had the privilege of talking to Pastor Molly in The Loft about my identity and my understanding of God and myself. In our conversation, I referenced the “spiritual crumbs” my relationship with God subsisted on for years as I searched for a space that would allow me, my queerness, and God to exist all together in harmony.

Following my time in The Loft, I went on to Queer Group, the Westwood small group for LGBT+ identifying people. Since it’s genesis, Queer Group has become a space that feels deeply sacred to me. I have met truly amazing people and had countless conversations that have both challenged and affirmed me in so many ways.

Several of our members have been cut off by parents, other family members, and past church communities at various times in their lives. Almost all of us have struggled, at one time or another, to find a place for ourselves in communities of faith. Despite this, I am constantly reminded that queer spirituality is defined by so much more than struggle. Every time I am with the members of the group, I am filled with amazement and love for their dedication and resilience, their insistence on searching for a place that would embrace them and welcome them, even when it may have felt impossible.

Lucien (he/they), a trans member of our group, shared that no matter how far he tried to go from the church, the idea of being “made in God’s image” had stayed with him. They were moved to tears as they reflected on the ways that God was taken from them so early on, that they were told “the image of God” had to look a certain way, when in reality God had been with them throughout their journey, and had known them and seen them from the very beginning.

It is something I came to at some point as well, the idea that whoever I was becoming would still fit into God’s image, that God is a presence that goes beyond any boundaries we may try to place around Them or boxes into which we may try to make Them fit. No matter how hard some people may try to convince us that we, too, must fit into certain requirements to earn God’s love and grace, the truth is that, as Lucien said, “God was there all along.”

Their words reminded me of the song we sang at the Reconciling Ministries Convocation in North Carolina, “All Y’all,” which includes the line “God was not surprised when I found a new name/ God is not confused by a pronoun change.” The first time I heard these words, sung by a crowd of people gathered to embrace a more abundant, welcoming truth about God’s love, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and awe.

In both of these moments, I thought about the younger me, the loneliness and isolation I felt when the God I felt and knew seemed to be outside the realm of the God insisted upon in many Christian spaces, when the person I was becoming didn’t seem reconcilable with the image of God described to me all my life. I don’t know what my past self would say if they could see the beautiful spaces and communities of which I am now a part, the conversations I have without shame, and the way I get to exist in spaces that welcome both my spirituality and my queerness without pause.

Despite my own years of exploring Christian spaces, Westwood was the first one where I heard someone say that accepting queer people was not a burden, but rather a gift, something that makes a community stronger, not a weakness for which others must pick up the slack (Thanks, Pastor Molly). I find this to be true generally- that the more people are welcomed and embraced for the entirety of who they are, the more parts of God that community will get to know and witness, leading to a fuller, deeper understanding of who God is and how God’s love can manifest.

What does it mean to believe in a God whose image is expansive enough to include all bodies and identities? A God who is in all people, who loves all people, whose image is seen more fully through embracing the full spectrums of human expression and identity? This Pride Month, I invite you to look both inward and out, to notice the way God shows up through you and through the people around you, even (and especially) when it doesn’t seem abundantly clear. Lean into the light of a limitless creator, big enough to hold and love you in all of your messiness and glory.

Thank you for the space you give me, the light you bring, and for the community we get to build together.

Keep the faith,
Everest